When I first began this marathon journey I must admit I thought my biggest running issue would be my feet, we’ve all heard the horror stories of hideous blisters and toe nails falling off! I spent countless hours deliberating over trainers, I even spent a particularly awkward afternoon in Nike’s packed Oxford Street store trying out a variety of trainers on the treadmill (pro tip - if you’re thinking of getting your gait analysed don’t go in the same outfit you’re wearing for afternoon tea plans). Yet so far I’ve been lucky enough to not have had even one single blister and I’m delighted to say my toe nails are still completely intact.
The aspect of training I’ve actually found most challenging has been the fueling strategy, particularly during runs. Everyone is different and I’m sure for a lot of people gels are a god send for extra energy during training but for me they just bring anxiety. I’ve tried a number of brands and different quantities throughout my runs but they simply don’t agree with me. Within a few minutes I start to feel nauseous (among other details I won’t go into - those who’ve tried them will know) and with that comes a light-headed feeling, at this point the anxiety starts kicking in for me because with that feeling comes a nagging question that I just can’t shut out of my mind - could this be a seizure coming?!
I never used to experience anxiety. It was something I struggled to understand if I’m totally honest, of course I worried about things but never overly so. This all changed in my twenties, after years of living with up to 4 tonic-clonic seizures a day I was hugely relieved when finally with the right combination of medications my seizures became controlled. I was ecstatic, as were my family and friends, for years this was all we had been working towards ... the day the seizures stopped. So problem solved right?! Well not exactly.
I think for most people who have never had epilepsy they see epilepsy and seizures as one in the same. The seizure comes and then once it’s over life goes back to normal and you’re ‘better’ again. Don’t get me wrong the seizures are horrid but personally I have no recollection of them and the physical injuries are temporary pain I long ago learnt to deal with. For me the real struggle is not the physical seizure but the complete lack of control, never knowing when a seizure will rear its ugly head and the inevitable chaos that then descends on my life.
I have a fantastic neurologist and my medications work well but they also require a reasonable amount of sensible life choices from me to ensure they are at their most effective.
I’d spent so many days counting down to when I would eventually be seizure free it had never really occurred to me life was going to be anything other than perfect from that point on. But with each day that goes by that I don’t have a seizure the more that I stand to lose should it all come crashing down with the arrival of just one.
And so it has become a very fine balancing act. I refuse to let epilepsy define everything that I do, I spent years missing out on life experiences because of seizures and I don’t want to let epilepsy take any more from me but I also have to be realistic and take responsibility for protecting all that I’ve now achieved.
I plan my weekly runs well in advance and ensure I’m getting in enough sleep especially if I will be having a particularly early start. I always run with a partner, it just gives me a sense of reassurance knowing someone who knows about my condition and how to deal with it is always near by and it also reduces the worry for my family.
I gave the gels a go and I’ve got no doubt they’re the best race fuel for some but for me the anxiety and mental state of worrying about a seizure isn’t worth any additional gain they bring. So I went back to basics, I take on a malt loaf bar and a couple of wine gums every 3 miles or so and it works for me. Now I’m not suggesting anyone else takes this up over gels. Let’s all be honest I’m certainly no Paula Radcliffe, the best fueling strategy in the world isn’t going to turn me into an elite athlete! Frankly as long as I have the energy to get me over that finishing line that’s really all that matters but I will say the wine gums certainly taste a hell of a lot better!!
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